As random as the next monster!

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
prokopetz
prokopetz

The problem with Batman in his present incarnation is that we need simultaneously to believe that this is a man who can effortlessly ninja his way through dozens of gun-toting mercenaries, and that this is a man to whom Danny DeVito with an umbrella is a credible threat.

prokopetz

Okay, that was glib – let me expand. I'm fully aware that Batman comics generally don't have him fighting guys like the Penguin one on one these days. That's not the problem. The problem is that superhero power creep has rendered Batman functionally immune to hired goons, but owing to his roots as a street-level vigilante, like half of his classic villains are guys whose primary threat vector is the ability to field arbitrary numbers of hired goons. There just aren't a lot of ways to work around that without either doing violence to the villain's idiom or making Batman carry the idiot ball – though I'll grant that some of the attempted workarounds have been very entertaining!

prokopetz

#i say we give the goons powercreep too #some goon moves to gotham and is gobsmacked at the average goons fighting ability; that would render them their own mob boss in another city (via @chaoticspacedust)

You joke, but that's literally one of the workarounds I'm referring to. One of the reasons that recent Batman stories keep looping back around to ancient ninja conspiracy stuff is that an answer to "how do we make hired goons a credible threat when Batman is an invincible ninja?" is "the hired goons are also ninjas".

nos4ra2

Imagine turning to crime out of financial desperation and you can’t even land a job as a dumb knuckle cracking brawler anymore without five years of martial arts training, a CDL in evasive getaway driving and a hand written recommendation from an active member of The Court of Owls.

mycroftrh
theoppositeofprofound

Scientific Fields Sorted By How Easy It Is To Directly Apply Them To Tolkien Fanfic

Math: Math is apparently the purest science which sounds like elitist nonsense but I will give them credit for the fact that old Johnny never dropped any lore disproving calculus. Math is presumably exactly the same in their universe as it is in ours!

Pure Physics: Just math wearing a silly hat, works mostly the same way with the caveat that the god of evil did invent thermodynamics. Seriously, just ramble about photons for a few paragraphs and throw in a line about how this proves that Varda is a most powerful of the Valar at the end. You’ve just written an elven term paper. 

Linguistics: You are not only encouraged but required to do linguistics in your Tolkien, with the caveat that some of these losers exhibit linguistic drift at a glacial pace thanks to the whole “immortality” thing. 

Applied Physics: It starts to get shaky here! Manwe’s eagles must fly on the power of prayer because they’re not airborne on their own two wings, not in this atmosphere. Also Frodo and Sam were pretty convection proof on Mt. Doom

Structructural Engineering: Pretty safe, mostly because it doesn’t get a lot of attention. Moria and Barad-Dur might be stretching things but they do have magic. 

Chemistry: Solid, apart from mithril which defies the periodic table and also god. 

Zoology: Ponies are real but giant wolves and dragons are not. However they’re handled impressively realistically. Bonus points for the first attempts at dragons not even having wings, that’s the sort of real representation of the scientific process we like to see

Astronomy: To apply astronomy to the Silm you must accept that the world functions in a dual reality where the sun is both a gaseous celestial object and an immortal woman carrying some fruit, where the earth is both round and flat and some people can still sail off the edge it does not have. Once you get that though it’s jolly good fun.

Applied Engineering and Chemistry/”Tech”: I do not know how the Silmarils work, I don’t think I’ll ever know how the Silmarils work. Whenever I try to design a model for how the Silmarils work it looks like I’m making a magic potion out of stardust and diamonds. But all the magic is underpinned by a respect for craftsmanship that allows your to throw in lots of nerdy forging facts so points for that.

Geology: Again, the Mithril Issue, closely related to the Arkenstone Issue and the Silmaril Issue. Lots of potential for fun times at the jewelers bench with elves and dwarves alike though, so it gets a pass. 

Biology: I hate some of the concepts raised by this old British man! How do trolls work? What is Gandalf made of? Hobbits and dwarves, okay, manageable. I can even tolerate elves and Western men, mystical and immortal-ish as they are. But what the HELL is an orc?

Botany: You get a magical flower that cures everything! And you get a magical flower that cures everything!

Geography: Mountain ranges don’t work like that.

Neuroscience: JRR said “the soul influences the body not the other way around” and I said “okay, that’s a worldbuilding choice but this does mean that I have no chance of using anything I’m actually studying while writing for your work, you understand this right, John? John, look at me.”

niennawept

Genetics: Oh no, there are not enough elves. They started with a population bottleneck that just gets worse because of Melkor kidnapping some and the migration to Aman leaving some behind at various stages and NO WONDER all the High Elves are related to each other.

panicandstartariot
boypussyparty

something im noticing is the redditors are just commenting on everything via reblogs with reckless abandon. and its so funny bc thats how youre MEANT to use this fucking website but we've trained ourselves out of it somehow.

kira-serialfaggot

I feel like a fucking chimp raised in a lab let out into the wild and just doing shit without understanding wtf is going on because I was raised to click the button to get cookie

theonslowzone

dzamie

look, that one's trying to upvote

cityelf

problemcore asked:

another philosophical question that is very very related. is Chuck E Cheese a restaurant ?

noctude answered:

absolutely not. it’s an arcade that happens to have “food”

square-opossums

I respectfully disagree, sir noctude, because arcades lack one thing that Chuck E. Cheese has, performers. So, you may ask, what businesses have games, food, and performers?

a casino

noctude

now this is some semantic bullshit i can get behind